


Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Novelization, by Rose Lalonde (ROUGH DRAFT ATTEMPT)

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
Genre: Death, Gen, Incest, Suicide, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:36:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1912992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Done for HSWC Bonus Round 4.</p><p>Prompt: Sweet Bro/Hella Jeff & Rose w/ Optional Dave</p><p>Rose offers to help Dave do...something with SBAHJ comics, perhaps translate them into prose form or maybe another language? Except that she can't quite figure them out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Novelization, by Rose Lalonde (ROUGH DRAFT ATTEMPT)

Broderick Sweet [Dave, is this okay? Sweet Bro can't be his name in this. It doesn't work...] was not in the right state of mind. He hated himself. He hated his life. No job, no relationships to speak of. It was just him and his video games. Day in. Day out. Eat, games, eat, games, sleep. Over and over. "I can't wait..." He stood at the top of the stairs, unable to see past the unstable tower of plastic boxes wobbling haphazardly in front of him. "To be a useless piece of shit and play all these games."

One foot in front of the other, and he slipped. He thought he slipped. As the wood rushed up to meet his face, he found himself unsure. Was it an accident? As his jaw cracked against the stair, he blacked out. The visage of Jeffrey, his only real friend, appeared in his mind. "I warned you about stairs, Broderick!" The prophecy. He told him. He told him it would happen. He told him about the stairs.

Was this a prophecy fulfilled or an excuse to fill it himself? He came to, and there were stairs still, so many stairs, and he couldn't stop falling. Jeffrey appeared again, taunting him, and he knew this journey was etern

\-----

"What the fuck am I writing?" Rose closed her laptop and leaned back, taking a breath. She had offered to help Dave with Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Novelization. To take it to a new level. He agreed, because why wouldn't he? But now that she was doing it? Now that she promised him an actual draft? It was impossible. She would have to try another strip.

\-----

"Bro!" [Dave, who is Sweet Bro? The guy with the facial hair or the other one? It's really hard to follow.] Redshirt reacted with confusion and disgust. His friend was pantsless. And he wondered how long that had been true, as they had been playing video games for some time now. "Your pants."

"They have been off for a while. You see, I was having sex with your mother." Blueshirt sneered. His only friend sneered at him as he confessed his ultimate betrayal.

"How could you? How could you do this, Blueshirt?" Tears welled up in Redshirt's eyes, as he struggled to hold on to the controller.

"Maybe you should look down." It was only then that the sound of wet rhythmic slapping filled Red's ears, differentiating itself from the electronic chaos happening on screen. He knew what he was about to see, but still... he looked. The sight of his mother's shapely posterior working itself back and forth as his sha [Dave, you are fucking sick. What is your problem?]

\-----

"So disgusting. So so so horrible. Though... it explains... so much." Rose sighed. This was not going well. One more. She had to try one more. There had to be something here that she could work with.

\-----

Red grasped his meat, applying a thick coating of jelly to

\-----

Oh, wow, nothing out of the ordinary there. No way did that symbolize anything at all.

A squirrel steals a game. No.

Is this a strip entirely about a hug? Dave. God damn it. What are you doing? Rose had never actually read a single Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic before and she was quickly realizing this was the best decision of her life, and she was a fool to have changed that.

Basketball. Oh. Oh, hey. A new character. Geromy.

\-----

Blue turned to Red. "Have you seen my socks around anywhere?"

"No." Red couldn't take it. This was his breaking point. Every single day, every single day... Blue couldn't find his socks. And yet later, he was always wearing them. The rage boiled inside him. "Again with the socks! What is it even with you and socks?" He threw his controller down in fury. In disgust. The stairs. His mother. The constant unending cycle of socks. "I can't even think of someone who leaves all their socks around like this! You..." And... Blue was gone.

It was all a ruse. A distraction. In his fury, Blue had snuck out and taken the car. Geromy looked on in suspicion as Blue drove away, heading for the ocean... and driving still. His job was done. His dark machinations complete. He had no reason to continue and sank into the sea [Dave, does Geromy do anything? Did you seriously just throw in a token black character? You know hipster racism is still racism, right?]

\-----

This was a veritable ass disaster. She couldn't. She couldn't do this.

She opened up an e-mail and began typing.

\-----

Dave,

I fear for my health if I continue this project. I am only ten strips in and already... already I can feel myself slipping. This is garbage. Pure and simple. Garbage. You should be ashamed. I am ashamed for agreeing to this project. I am ashamed of even being related to you. Please do not contact me for the next week.

Yours,  
Rose


End file.
